Before and After, and the Power of Collective Memory

There was before. And there was after.

Before was a bright, warm Tuesday morning where, by the grace of God, my eyes opened early to a quiet, comfortable dorm room. Before was a hot shower, and a leisurely preparation for a day of classes and meetings and work. Before was the television on in the background, a quietness before the ringing telephones, chiming instant messages, and the shout and gasp of voices in shock.

I can remember the feeling of my wet hair on the back of my neck as I heard the newscasters making announcements on the television, and I remember stopping to watch the images, frozen where I stood, wrapped in a towel, unable to move forward into a day where everything changed.

After was forcing my feet to move, forcing my mind to choose clothes, forcing myself to prepare for classes and meetings and work. As the ten o'clock hour approached, I walked, in a daze, to the chapel at the center of campus. I know now that I went to Daily Chapel in hopes that someone would have an answer, or information that they weren't telling us on television. That wasn't the case. After were the questions we all had: Why? When would it happen again? What had happened to the safety of our little "bubble on a hill" that was supposed to protect us from all the bad things that happened "out there"?

For many Millenials, the events of 9/11 dragged us into adulthood; we kicked and screamed and fought like hell to hold onto our childhoods. I was halfway through my 19th year and had just begun my sophomore year in college; I would have liked to stay a "kid" a little bit longer. But the terrorist acts that crash-landed in the lives of all Americans forced us to realize that we live in a world where people are capable of terrible, destructive acts of hatred and anger. (So many of us at my Lutheran college grew up in a world where the worst one could experience was passive-aggressiveness, terrorism was as foreign a concept to us as a steam train might be to a caveman.) I was fortunate to be in a place where even though I was away from my parents, I was surrounded by adults who exemplified patience, forgiveness, grace, faith, and community in those dark days.

For most of America, the events of 9/11 are defined by collective memory. We recount to each other the stories of where we were when we heard the news, and of the days and weeks that followed. We listen to each other's shock, pain and confusion of those days. But so many of us did not lose a loved one or friend in those terrorist acts, so all we have are those shared memories. Perhaps friends and family members are woven into our memories; in that way, we have "loomed" together a great tapestry of memory. (In my mind, voices that stand out that day include my mom, my friend Rachel who lived across the hall from me, one of the campus chaplains, and, strangely, my geography professor.) In the creation of this tapestry of shared memory, we can be certain that we will never forget the fear we first felt when we heard the news, but, even more strongly, how our communities came together in the hours and days that followed. We hugged, we cried on each other's shoulders, we held hands in circles of prayer, song, and solidarity, we gave blood and money and supplies, we talked in classrooms, in offices, in dorm rooms, and in the chapel of our anger, our thoughts, our sadness, and of the power of forgiveness.

And on this day, ten years later, we still struggle with the sadness, the anger, and the power of forgiveness. Like the bright blue sky on September 11, 2001, our lives contain occasional clouds. Yet between these clouds, we glimpse the boundless beauty of the sky, and it is in those moments of beauty that we find the grace to carry on.

Friends

Hello, faithful readers. Apologies for the long pause in between posts. My August has been somewhat busy (but not so busy that I wouldn't have been able to sit down and post something, so that's on me...my bad).

This August has been the August of friends. Earlier this month, I visited St. Paul, Minnesota and my best friend, Peter. We met our sophomore year in college as Religion majors and we have been giving each other a hard time ever since. Peter's job as a chaplain is perfect for him, because he is an incredibly thoughtful person and an amazing listener (which is good for me because I'm a talker!). I can tell him all my secrets and I know it won't change anything about our friendship. When I win my Oscar, he'll be the first person I thank after God and my family.

(Me and Peter in Minneapolis over St. Anthony Falls at the Mississippi River)

After I got back from St. Paul, I got a new foster kitteh! Her name is Tasha. She is basically the complete opposite of Buckley! She is very small (I can pick her up with one hand!) and she is very outgoing, friendly, chatty, silly, sweet, and loves to be the center of attention. Here is a picture of her:

(She is a girly-girl just like me--she likes shoes too!)

Last week, my friend Chase came to Chicago. He lives in St. Louis but he came to Chicago for a few days for work. He is a "new" friend because I have only known him for a few years. Still, it was really fun getting to hang out with him a little and we have a lot in common and it feels like we have known each other for a long time. We joke around a lot and he is a pretty funny guy, which means he is smart. (Guys, funny = smart in my book. If you can make me laugh, you are a smart guy.) (I don't have a photo of Chase, but you can check out his website here. He writes about music and sports and interesting stuff. He kind of looks like this guy Jake who I used to work with, but since none of you knew Jake, that's not very helpful.)

And then last weekend my sister came down to Chicago for a "Seastar Sleepover". We went out to dinner at a restaurant that had an outdoor patio and it was a beautiful night. Then we went to a party and I met a lot of awesome new people. I love my sister! She always makes me laugh and we have a lot in common and we talk about everything. She is my oldest, bestest friend.

(Here is a photo of my sister and I in Key West in March. We have matching Seastar tattoos!)

This is the first post.

A few months ago, I turned 29.  Not really a big deal in the course of my life, and certainly not a big deal to the rest of the world, but since then I've definitely taken a bit of an account of what I'd like more of in my life as I pedal my cruiser towards 30.  One of those things is writing again with some regularity, and I think a blog (that, hopefully, people are reading) will keep me accountable to that.

Most of you reading this probably already know me a little, so I'll spare you the boring details.  This blog will contain updates on everything from what I'm currently knitting to recipes I've tried to reviews of books I've read and movies I've seen to thoughts on current events, culture, theology, history, or stories of Things That Actually Happened to Me.

And you, Dear Reader, can help shape this blog if you'd like!  Feel free to suggest that you'd like to see or hear more (or less!) of something and I'll try my best to create updates accordingly.

As a First Post Push for Good Karma, here's a list of some awesome daily blogs which I love:
The Lady Pastor:  This is my awesome friend Emily's blog.  She is a pastor with an eye for design and an appreciation for the simple things that can so wonderfully enhance our lives.
Not a Crazy Vegan:  Rachel's hilarious food blog proves that she is not crazy in her attempts to be vegan.  I love her cooking tips and the vegan recipes she tries are absolutely mouth-watering!
Dooce.com:  Because it's Dooce.com.  I mean, have you ever cried whilst reading the interwebs?  Have you? Have you??
Hyde Park Cats:  The blog for the organization for which I foster.  They do amazing work and the pictures of the kittehs on the website are teeth-achingly adorable.

And you can follow me on Twitter as well; I'm @je_gigote (if you figure out what that means, you'll know how perfectly it describes me).

Let me hear from you and we'll party in the blogosphere til the break of dawn!  (Ha ha, inadvertent Twilight reference!) I'm a dork.