It's a "blah" kind of Thursday. Aside from my few every-day tasks at work, I literally have nothing to do. And I've got laundry, dishes, a cardigan in need of buttons, and packing to do at home.
I'm feeling pretty unremarkable today.
Whenever I feel like this, I think of that scene in Garden State, you know, the one where Natalie Portman's character Sam tells Zach Braff's character Largeman that whenever she feels unremarkable, she does one completely unique thing that's never been done in the history of the world--she makes a noise, does a little dance, and does it in a certain way and on that spot that makes her feel completely one-of-a-kind.
And then I think, Well, that's stupid. (Cynicism is an ugly snake of a monster.)
Being a person who dreams big is a blessing and a curse. Big dreams allow my imagination to take flight, and, at times, I can very easily escape into a daydream kind of world and create, dream, think, plan, and just be. But in reality, being a person who dreams big can be crushing, because of the limits of my life and my own self-imposed pragmatism keep me from taking anything too far.
Being a grown-up who dreams big requires discipline: I'm going to need to start writing regularly again (this blog is helping keep me accountable to that); I need to practice my guitar more regularly and work harder at writing real songs; I'm going to need to find an outlet for all this pent-up energy I've got (I'm seriously thinking about improv classes...).
But at the same time, I've got all these dreams in my head which are quite remarkable. If I can somehow translate these to tangible outlets, I've got a goldmine.
(My name is going to show as my silly pseudonym for the metal blog I write for. If you can find it in you, ignore it's silliness please :)
ReplyDeleteI very much relate to this post. I spend quite a large amount of time in my head creating futures, working through interesting ideas, inventing neat projects but seldom do they ever exit my brain.
Like, at this moment I have three different musical projects that are in various stages, two guitars I'm half-way thru refinishing, a writing idea for a TV show pilot that is half worked out, and another writing project to re-establish my reasons for Christian belief that I have written one post for, and those are just tangible things I want to *do*.
This doesn't cover the amount of time I spend daydreaming. I spend more time fantasizing about possible futures, jobs, people, whatever that it's incredible to me I get anything done sometime. I wonder if all this fantasy is evidence of a problem? Like feeling unhappy, or at the very least unsettled.
I've always felt compelled to do something meaningful, or even important, but I couldn't tell you what that thing I'm to do is specifically and have just met dissatisfaction in a lot of the jobs I've had thus far. Do I want to do something deemed "important" so I feel "important" myself? Who really knows.
For a long time I felt guilty about not getting done a lot of the things I dream up, that my laziness was a character flaw or something "wrong". I've since got over that, and that lack of pressure has allowed me to be more productive actually.
I do feel the same as you do though, in that if I could somehow find the time/energy to accomplish some of these things I could do some incredible work.
I would like to go on the record saying you would be fantastic at improv and i don't know why it hasn't come up before! i would come to all your performances and even take a class or two with you to get you started. believe it or not i'm actually really shy and it would probably be good for me.
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